My daughter’s Thoughtful 13. How sweet it was…

So my “tween” just crossed the threshold into teen-dumb¬†I meant ‘dom’. Bad mommy! ūüėĬ† I¬†made sure¬†the¬†birthday staples were covered: cake, pizza and goody bags, but I also wanted to make sure that she got a wealth of guidance (not just loot and gifts) at this milestone in her journey.¬† My family and friends are amazing,¬†with insights that I may not be able to effectively impart. ¬†At the birthday gathering I asked each of them to jot down some words of wisdom between mingling and noshing on fish tacos. ¬†Some complied, some were too busy noshing—those were some damn good tacos. ¬†Anyway I said they were amazing¬†not obedient.

My plan is to do something with the advice notes. Something posterity worthy that will inspire her to keep them around. ¬†No, I haven’t already decoupaged them, crafted them into an¬†origami¬†sculpture or blew them up poster sized and wall papered her room with them. ¬†I’m not that kind of WordPresser—not yet anyway (Crafty McCraftensteins I AM joining your ranks one day! Look out!). ¬†But I do hope that the gesture was not lost on her and my daughter knows that we expect her to be thoughtful,¬†introspective¬†and engage the world around her. ¬†She really is a special gal…

I'm a softy of a parent but I'm not above crafting these notes into a medieval torture device---you know, for when the resident teen needs further elucidation.

Day/Title 71

Paris, Pee Wee, and Big Dog

Guy, Rosa

New York : Delacorte, 1984

My reaction:

How fitting that today’s book be one of my fav’s from when I was a teen!

Critics were hard on this book: "The potential for a story is here, but this one never quite happens as it plods laboriously along." School Library Journal

Not your Grandma’s Mother

Hi All!

Forgive me for deviating from the Dewey-A-Day norm will yall? Just had to get this out but I do give you a bite sized Dewey entry sans ‘my reaction’ at the end of the ‘Mother’ post for you die-hard Dewey heads ūüėÄ

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The following was inspired by a recent epiphany:

“Oooh he’s kinda cute”… “Ooh! I wanna get this outfit so I can be the bomb.com!” ¬†These words have actually been uttered (to me mind you) from the perpetually glossed lips of my ¬†actual 12 year old. ¬†Pre-epiphany this kind of overly familiar teen talk would get met with a disapproving glare from me or a scold: ¬†How are you talking to me!? You do know I’m your mother right?! That’s¬†inappropriate!

I may owe my daughter an apology greater understanding. ¬†You see, prior to this epiphany whether I “did it like my mother” was my litmus test for whether I was mothering right. ¬†I now see a mild error in that logic ¬†because all of the ‘players’ involved are different. ¬† I was a different kind of child than my daughter is and my mother’s experiences made her different from me and vice versa.

That said, I realize that my mother did a bang up job raising us (fight anyone who says otherwise!) but I don’t have to follow her blueprint to the letter to be a successful parent. ¬†Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery but in this case it may be the sincerest way to ruin your mother/daughter relationship with your own child.

After an exchange like the aforementioned one I asked my daughter “Why do you talk to me like this? I would have never had this kind of conversation with my mother”. ¬†Note that her talk was not in a disrespectful tone, just a very ‘familiar’ tone. ¬†She looked at me with that look specific to pre-teens and teens, lip gloss just a poppin on her pursed lips and said “like what? what way?”

But in that instant I had answered my own question. ¬†She talked to me in a way that was natural to her, and when I wasn’t holding myself to my mother’s standard—a much more strict, conservative parenting style—I realized that it felt very natural to me too. ¬†So in the end my daughter and I do talk freely. ¬†We might talk about things that might make another mother blush or get worked up into a self-righteous tizzy. That’s ok. ¬†I’m the mom.com in my house and we’re doing it our way ūüėČ

Mother/daughter girl talk...with only the occasional reminder about who pays the cost to be the boss.

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As promised!

Day 11

Bibliographic info:

The quotable scientist : Words of wisdom from Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman, Galileo, Marie Curie, and more

Horvitz, Leslie Alan

McGraw Hill 2000

Summary: A book-o-quotes from that odd lot called scientists