Yesterday at work I had a misty water colored memory of my entrance into la vie en librarian. I was so starry-eyed and kind-hearted—a stark contrast to the Snarky McSnarkface I am today. Long story short its been about 5 years. I work in a Public Library in the heart of downtown in a city which I’ll leave un-named (comb the posts I’m sure I’ve slipped up and mentioned it somewhere). While I do love library work (librarians everywhere are required to say this or the Book Bosses will make you disappear) I can honestly say I had no idea what I was signing up for when I accepted the gig.
Oh the cast of characters that have been paraded before me….(cue wavy flashback screen/music):
- the fellow in the bedazzled Burger King© paper crown
- the fellow who (with all due seriousness) asked me to help him find pictures of “the perfect booty”, AND THEN create a watermark image with said booty pic so that it could be the background for his poem—I Love Booty.
- the fellow who types 000111110000000111111. All day.
These folk are just the tip of the iceberg. As you can imagine, I had to acquire a special set of skills in order to hang. They say it takes 10,000 hours of doing a thing to become an expert at it. I’ve surpassed that and have devoted roughly 35,000 hours to my craft. Here are a few things I’m more than proficient in:
- Blank staring. In the face of lunacy, if you show any sign of being daunted they will drag you down a rabbit hole from which there may not be a return. You, my friend, might find your own self donning a bedazzled paper hat.
- Making signs and pointing to them. When I first entered the life full of ideals and energy, I all but chastised my co-workers; “There is too much signage! Take some of these signs down and actually interact with the people!” Cut to present day where I’ll make a sign and point to it to answer the question “How are you today?”
- Clandestinely applying hand sanitizer. Oh the crusty objects I have been handed, library cards buried under crud that has its own crud, money that is strangely damp; AND if you use the sanitizer unabashedly this colorful cast-o-characters has the nerve to be offended!
Yes, I’m an expert at these things and so much more that yall aint even ready to hear. That said, I do love my job. It butters my bread and there are plenty of fulfilling moments. Use the contact info on the “About me” page to inquire about workshops for any of the aforementioned skills. ‘Til Monday!