Forgive me for deviating from the Dewey-A-Day norm will yall? Just had to get this out but I do give you a bite sized Dewey entry sans ‘my reaction’ at the end of the ‘Mother’ post for you die-hard Dewey heads 😀
The following was inspired by a recent epiphany:
“Oooh he’s kinda cute”… “Ooh! I wanna get this outfit so I can be the bomb.com!” These words have actually been uttered (to me mind you) from the perpetually glossed lips of my actual 12 year old. Pre-epiphany this kind of overly familiar teen talk would get met with a disapproving glare from me or a scold: How are you talking to me!? You do know I’m your mother right?! That’s inappropriate!
I may owe my daughter
an apology greater understanding. You see, prior to this epiphany whether I “did it like my mother” was my litmus test for whether I was mothering right. I now see a mild error in that logic because all of the ‘players’ involved are different. I was a different kind of child than my daughter is and my mother’s experiences made her different from me and vice versa.
That said, I realize that my mother did a bang up job raising us (fight anyone who says otherwise!) but I don’t have to follow her blueprint to the letter to be a successful parent. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery but in this case it may be the sincerest way to ruin your mother/daughter relationship with your own child.
After an exchange like the aforementioned one I asked my daughter “Why do you talk to me like this? I would have never had this kind of conversation with my mother”. Note that her talk was not in a disrespectful tone, just a very ‘familiar’ tone. She looked at me with that look specific to pre-teens and teens, lip gloss just a poppin on her pursed lips and said “like what? what way?”
But in that instant I had answered my own question. She talked to me in a way that was natural to her, and when I wasn’t holding myself to my mother’s standard—a much more strict, conservative parenting style—I realized that it felt very natural to me too. So in the end my daughter and I do talk freely. We might talk about things that might make another mother blush or get worked up into a self-righteous tizzy. That’s ok. I’m the mom.com in my house and we’re doing it our way 😉
The quotable scientist : Words of wisdom from Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman, Galileo, Marie Curie, and more
Horvitz, Leslie Alan
McGraw Hill 2000
Summary: A book-o-quotes from that odd lot called scientists