Can I have a word with you my friend?

Hey ubiquitous ‘They’! ; the ‘They’ that trolls the web to punish innocent people who may indulge in Torrent-ial affairs every now and then.  I know you’re out there.  The same ‘They’ that spys on me through my cellular phone.  Yes,  I occasionally text my husband a grocery list.  Scandalous.   Yes, I obsessively check my stats on my WordPress  app.  Salacious.  Yes, I occasionally use my banking app to transfer obscene amounts of money into anonymous offshore  accounts.  Nothing to see here.

Anyway, ‘They’, I’ve got a job for you.   Ok so everyone knows somebody who knows somebody who plays word games on their phone (Scrabble,  Words With Friends, Hanging With Friends etc.)  or they themselves play said games.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to develop a system that will slap the snot out of folks who insist on cheating while playing said games.  This system can be analog (this would probably involve a network of people—slappers—who would do the deed where ever cheating reared its ugly head) or it can be digital (this would probably involve creating software that would deliver an electrical shock/slap to the offender),  I’ll leave the hashing out of the dirty details to you.

Now you KNOW you wrong!!

You see the honor system is implied in games such as these.  No one is there to see if you use a cheat app or Google a word to stump your opponent  but Slap-a-Swindler will know.

I promise it’s not sour grapes.  I regularly play these games and I win some and I lose some.  My Spidey senses just get set a-tingle when I’m playing with an opponent who, prior to me whoopin’ them, played words like ‘sing’ and ‘nail’ and post whoopin’ they start throwing down words like ‘wyte’ and ‘sweven’.  C’mon son.

I know that sometimes a player will wishfully/hopefully/fingers crossed-fully throw some letter tiles down and they happen to make a word.  I’m not mad at the fluke stroke of genius.  That’s a harmless bit of luck.  I’ve done that myself a few times.  But what I’ve never done is resort to sources outside of my own head to procure words to put the Scrabble smack down on anyone! Scouts honor!

Hey ‘They’!,  while you’re working on the slap software, why don’t you develop some kind of non-cheater stamp of approval authenticating systemy thingy  so that cheaters can play with their ilk and non-cheaters with theirs.   It’s supposed to be a match of wits oui or non?

Ok, ‘They’, you have your orders.  Make it happen!


Oh yes I did Miss Thang!


4 thoughts on “Can I have a word with you my friend?

  1. I feel you sister Zenzi. I would. however, like to add a small corollary. I have always been a poor speller and discovered later that I have a touch ( just a touch, mind you) of dyslexia. In my adult life it hasn’t hindered me much execpt in word games. See, I know alot of words. Lots of them as a result of watching thousends of hours of televison and turning thousands of book pages but I can’t reliably spell ANY of them. In the analog world this led to dismal Scrabble scores and a tinge of embarrassment. Now, in the world of Google, I can look at these digital tiles and carve the words I know are there from the ungiving monothilth they begin as…with help. So, I’ll take an asterisk for my wins if I need to. Perhaps there can be a handicapped or handicapable tag for those of my ilk. Just please, leave my google legal in the minds of the public.
    This message, and the misspelled words within, has been brought to you by the Google bandit.

    • How can I argue with that? You sir have submitted an acceptable argument. Lol!! And in my estimation Googlers who are checking the spelling aren’t offensive. I was really railing against folks who use cheat apps. I didn’t even know there WAS such a thing til recently.

  2. See this is a result of the ‘collaborative culture’ and the ‘No Child Left Behind’ syndrome. I absolutely dislike Scrabble or Words with Friends…however I am a good speller. Those games demand some creativity and I operate more on ‘can-I-see-it’ logic to connect the dots. Thanks for sharing your post/opinion. I’m down with making a ‘slap app’ and will definitely create a sassy voice-over to let folks know…”Oh No You Didn’t’.

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